For 33 years, he has befriended city’s desperate By : Sri Kuehnlenz and Adeline Lau
KUALA LUMPUR, Thurs:
Two hours past midnight, the phone rings. S. Gangadara Vadivel picks it up and listens.
Gangadara is the city’s longest-serving Befriender and he’s been listening to the desperate and friendless for 33 years.
Night is the toughest time.
“That’s the time when people feel lonely,” he said.
Callers don’t always pour out their troubles immediately and he has learnt to wait for them to open up. “Sometimes, there’s silence for minutes.”
Gangadara, 60, has manned the Befrienders’ 24-hour crisis hotline here, for thousands of hours since 1974.
He has provided a shoulder to cry on for countless distressed callers, especially those who are contemplating suicide.
It was a suicide that prompted him to join the organisation, which was then 4 years old.
A colleague in his late 30s had been struggling with illness, a spinal disease, and killed himself.
Gangadara, who worked at the Rubber Research Institute until his retirement in 2001, did not know his colleague well. Nevertheless, the death made him realise that many people suffered in silence.
“If only there had been people who could have helped, he might not have had to go through the hardship all by himself.”
Gangadara was made chairman of the Befrienders Kuala Lumpur this year, and president of the National Association of Befrienders Malaysia.
Today, he still listens to those in need, as he did in 1974.
“Eighty per cent of Befriending is listening. In a big city like Kuala Lumpur, people don’t have the time to listen to each other.
“We don’t give advice or solutions. We listen. In my opinion, advice is a dime a dozen.”
Like the other 89 Befrienders, he spends three to four hours a week at the centre in Petaling Jaya, answering calls and talking to those who walk in.
He still takes one night shift, from 10pm to 8am, every week.
Befrienders Kuala Lumpur receives 20,000 calls a year on the two lines it maintains. One in four is desperate enough to consider suicide, and many are youths.
Suicide is the second highest cause of death after accidents in the 15-30 age group.
“Suicide is still considered a taboo subject. (Because) many people do not want to talk about it, over time, the thought of it could lead to real action.
“That’s where Befrienders play a role. We give space to people to talk and express their feelings anonymously.”
For someone in distress, even a small problem can assume monstrous proportions.
“We look into problems like a student failing a mid-term test because these small problems can build up to mental illness and suicide attempts,” he said.
Other problems include a daughter fighting with a mother, or husbands fighting with wives, or someone pregnant with an unwanted child.
Befrienders persuades callers to confide in family members, or, in the case of those with signs of mental illness, to seek medical help.
To reassure callers, conversations are kept confidential and no records are kept of names. This explains why Gangadara is reluctant to share too many details.
He is now a trainer who works with new volunteers together with professional psychologists and other counsellors.
The most rewarding moment is knowing when he has made a difference to someone.
He recalled an outreach programme for plantation workers a few years ago. He said a woman there told him: “You’re the only people who have ever understood me.”
NSTP and PwC are looking to honour Malaysians who have gone beyond the call of duty and performed outstanding acts of public service. Nominations are open until July 16. For information, log on to www.nstp.com.my or www.pwc.com/my